I’ve decided to go back to writing, or rather writing on a blog as I’d like to think that even when I’m not writing I’m writing. I am both delusional and optimistic like that. Anyway I’ve decided to go back to writing for myself – myself because this will be on a blog that happens to be public but I will make no intentional effort to make any of my blog posts public. This is a decision I took today when I realised just how much pent up creative energy I have that I am not expressing in anyway – well at least in a healthy way. So it’s locked inside me, banging against the marvel of my mind asking to be let out.  Unfortunately for my right brained self the  thing about being in the sort of work that I am in  is that there is absolutely no creative outlet. I mean sure you can colour code your excel workbook and maybe wear a fun top here and there but at the core of it, it’s really rooted in being technical and having zero creativity. Which is great news because the last thing the world needs is another financial crisis because a few number crunchers decided to get creative with the numbers.

So here I am, someone who should really be writing doing everything on a day to day basis except writing. It gets quite frustrating.

I started this blog with mixed intentions. The first intention was to obviously write – something which comes very naturally to me. The second intention – the part where it all went pear shaped – was to get my writing “out there”. Please note that this is in no way a knock on people who get their work out there, I am eternally thankful to those people. Through their writing I’ve learnt a lot about the world, myself and whatever else happens to exist in this very vast universe. I’ve learnt to be empathetic through reading, I’ve learnt how to make quiche and many other skills I would otherwise have missed had it not been for people willing to be out there and if I am being 100% honest I still very much have ambitions to be out there but I just need them to be latent right.

Where it goes all wrong with me trying to be out there is that all of the fun of writing gets replaced by a very dark and unnecessary fear of failure. When I write for outside consumption I lose focus and my very view of the main thing. I forget that this is something I enjoy and something that I’ve literally been doing since I was seven years old when I wrote a story about a dog that got carried away by a giant bubble. All that leaves my memory, all I have left is fear that I would never have if I was writing simply because I have no other option – my business is to write.

So I’ve decided to cut the clutter and monkey chatter by writing for myself. I’m going to start by writing what ever delights me, for me, in my own space, at my own pace and try my best not to get in my own way. I hope that in doing this I’ll be calmer and all the pent up creativity I’ve had will finally get a chance to step out and dance in the sunshine with the type of freedom it deserves.

And so with that long introduction (or rambling) , I would like to welcome my one and only reader – Nthabiseng. Welcome, I hope you will join me as often as I pen something on this here little blog. And I hope you have some fun while you’re here.

🙂