My birthday has passed and I am officially 35! Looking over my shoulder over the past year and the past five years have brought about a lot of change not just for myself but for the world in general. The year I turned 30 is the same year that the world was hit by a global pandemic and the year I moved to London. Since then I’ve started a new job in a new industry and had a baby while the world seems to be having one unprecedented time after another.
I’ve learnt a few lessons since then and so I’ve put together a list of 35 lessons I’ve learnt in 35 years. Hopefully a lot of these lessons will be the same lessons I learnt at 30, I’ve decided not to read those prior to posting this just in case it sways me.
To spare me and you from any further waffling let us get into my 35 lessons:
- Be kind.
- Mind your business. This doesn’t mean ignore people but rather that some things aren’t your business. You’ll know when this applies.
- Eat fruit and vegetables.
- Eat other types of food too.
- Let people know you love them. This is different from person to person.
- Drink water.
- The only constant in life is truly change, get as comfortable with change as you can as soon as possible.
- Get some rest when you can and if you can’t don’t wreck yourself worried about not getting enough rest.
- Pets are great but also a lot of work.
- Take a vitamin D supplement.
- Read what you want to read.
- Watch what you want to watch.
- Listen to what you want to listen to.
- If people from marginalised groups explain why what you read, watch and listen to is a problem because of the ideas it supports that are against that group – have an open mind. Don’t get offended, it’s not really about you in that moment.
- Leave a little more room for greyness because most things are not black and white.
- Making your own money is still undefeated.
- Work hard. Hard is relative to you. No one else can define that for you.
- Understand that just as no one can define hard for you, you can’t define hard for anyone else.
- Aging is the only way to stay alive. Honestly it’s not that complicated.
- The world is big. If you can experience different joys from different places do it.
- Number 20 doesn’t always mean you have to travel.
- No one knows where the other sock goes. Just hope it’s happy and wear mismatched socks at this point!
- Baby socks are a whole new ball game, they both disappear… at different times.
- You only live once… like for real for real. Depending on how you look at it this is either great news or not so much. But keep in mind there’s no do-over for life.
- Just because there’s no do-over for life doesn’t mean there’s no do-over for life events. If you need to start over do it. If you need to pick something up again do it. If you need to mend a relationship do it. There are infinite chances as long as you’re alive.
- Grief comes in waves. Sit in it. Sometimes you’ll be overwhelmed as though the loss is an open wound and on these days it’s perfectly okay to feel wounded and retreat if that’s what soothes you.
- Move your body in ways that bring you some form of joy. But also accept that sometimes it won’t always bring you joy. Do with this knowledge what you will. And allow others to do the same.
- Friendships are important and require regular nurturing. Try not to keep score.
- Romantic relationships are friendships with a little extra. See above.
- Being partnered isn’t nearly as important as who you are partnered to.
- Wear sunscreen.
- Keep learning. New things. Old things. Just keep learning.
- Do a load of laundry every two days, you’ll never get to the bottom of the pile but it’s nice to try.
- Show yourself grace. This will be the hardest thing to do sometimes but you have to try.
- Hug your loved ones as often as you can.
That’s it, those are my lessons. I’ve also found in writing these out that I am less likely to over-explain what they mean. These lessons just are, plain and simple.
Here’s to aging, be it gracefully or otherwise.
Thank you for reading.
Nthabi And Her Books 