Recently I decided to learn how to crochet (blog post coming) but somehow in learning how to crochet I was motivated to pick up my knitting needles and re-learn how to knit again.
I learnt how to knit when I was in my late teens, my grandmother taught me, and I picked it up a few years ago but it never quite stuck. I’ve discovered that this is due to two reasons;
Since my late grandmother taught me this skill I was so incredibly scared of being bad at it and
When I picked up knitting a few years ago I decided to run before I crawled.
This time around I am interrogating these two reasons and pushing myself to just do the thing.
Learning how to knit in the round – take 1
Let’s start with reason number two since this the most superficial of the two reasons.
Running before crawling:
When I picked up my knitting needles again a few years ago I did the thing I always do when I’m excited, I bit off more than I could possibly chew. I decided to learn how to every single stitch and make myself a non-beginner friendly cardigan (that popular Harry Styles one from a few years ago). I got so in my head that my first project had to be this grandiose thing that I never quite really finished anything. So this time around I did what all knitters are advised to do, I started with a beanie! This allowed me to revisit the fundamentals (knitting and purling) and focus on something small that did not require me to be a skilled knitter, this somehow worked and I finished the beanie.
A beanie in progress
Reason number two: my finished work cannot be bad!
I think there’s a part of me that was holding onto knitting as something my grandmother taught me that I didn’t want to ruin by being bad at it as though being bad at it would mean she was a bad teacher. I didn’t want to suck at knitting because that would somehow let down my grandmother typing this out now I realise how preposterous that notion is. In raising me my grandmother taught me so many things, all of those things have varying levels of importance however I am pretty sure that knitting would be very low on the importance scale.
Finally getting to this understanding has somehow unshackled me from the need to be good at knitting. Now I can be bad at it, as long as I do it!
My completed beanie!
I am excited and happy for myself and I look forward to all my future badly finished projects.
My birthday has passed and I am officially 35! Looking over my shoulder over the past year and the past five years have brought about a lot of change not just for myself but for the world in general. The year I turned 30 is the same year that the world was hit by a global pandemic and the year I moved to London. Since then I’ve started a new job in a new industry and had a baby while the world seems to be having one unprecedented time after another.
At my birthday dinner; having a mocktail, eating my greens and feeding my son.
I’ve learnt a few lessons since then and so I’ve put together a list of 35 lessons I’ve learnt in 35 years. Hopefully a lot of these lessons will be the same lessons I learnt at 30, I’ve decided not to read those prior to posting this just in case it sways me.
To spare me and you from any further waffling let us get into my 35 lessons:
Be kind.
Mind your business. This doesn’t mean ignore people but rather that some things aren’t your business. You’ll know when this applies.
Eat fruit and vegetables.
Eat other types of food too.
Let people know you love them. This is different from person to person.
Drink water.
The only constant in life is truly change, get as comfortable with change as you can as soon as possible.
Get some rest when you can and if you can’t don’t wreck yourself worried about not getting enough rest.
Pets are great but also a lot of work.
Take a vitamin D supplement.
Read what you want to read.
Watch what you want to watch.
Listen to what you want to listen to.
If people from marginalised groups explain why what you read, watch and listen to is a problem because of the ideas it supports that are against that group – have an open mind. Don’t get offended, it’s not really about you in that moment.
Leave a little more room for greyness because most things are not black and white.
Making your own money is still undefeated.
Work hard. Hard is relative to you. No one else can define that for you.
Understand that just as no one can define hard for you, you can’t define hard for anyone else.
Aging is the only way to stay alive. Honestly it’s not that complicated.
The world is big. If you can experience different joys from different places do it.
Number 20 doesn’t always mean you have to travel.
No one knows where the other sock goes. Just hope it’s happy and wear mismatched socks at this point!
Baby socks are a whole new ball game, they both disappear… at different times.
You only live once… like for real for real. Depending on how you look at it this is either great news or not so much. But keep in mind there’s no do-over for life.
Just because there’s no do-over for life doesn’t mean there’s no do-over for life events. If you need to start over do it. If you need to pick something up again do it. If you need to mend a relationship do it. There are infinite chances as long as you’re alive.
Grief comes in waves. Sit in it. Sometimes you’ll be overwhelmed as though the loss is an open wound and on these days it’s perfectly okay to feel wounded and retreat if that’s what soothes you.
Move your body in ways that bring you some form of joy. But also accept that sometimes it won’t always bring you joy. Do with this knowledge what you will. And allow others to do the same.
Friendships are important and require regular nurturing. Try not to keep score.
Romantic relationships are friendships with a little extra. See above.
Being partnered isn’t nearly as important as who you are partnered to.
Wear sunscreen.
Keep learning. New things. Old things. Just keep learning.
Do a load of laundry every two days, you’ll never get to the bottom of the pile but it’s nice to try.
Show yourself grace. This will be the hardest thing to do sometimes but you have to try.
Hug your loved ones as often as you can.
That’s it, those are my lessons. I’ve also found in writing these out that I am less likely to over-explain what they mean. These lessons just are, plain and simple.
I have stepped into 2025 a bit more upbeat and excited! I’ll be honest and say the past few years I have dreaded the beginnings of each year. In 2022 and 2023 both years started off with anxiety as my resolution and goal for each of those years was to have a baby (a very silly resolution in hindsight). And in 2024 I was completely exhausted by the trying to conceive journey having suffered a pregnancy loss in October 2023. And so I wasn’t hopeful and had no desire to think about what else I’d like out of the year.
2025 however is starting off on a different note; I am typing this on the 19th of January with my snoozing son in my left arm suckling at my left breast. Life is good. I also have the added benefit of skipping my works busy season this year. In any normal year I would be laying out my work uniform to eliminate any issues getting dressed in the morning and planning meals to avoid any decision fatigue which inevitably ends in eating takeout!
And so taking advantage of my good fortune and good mood, I have created a vision board for the first time in my life.
I’ve categorised my goals into the following categories:
Motherhood
Love
Body
Reading
Creativity
Work
Within these categories I have goals that are both tangible and measurable; for example do yoga at least twice a week and write a blog post at least three times a week. And those that are less rigid such as finding my groove as a mother and then later on as a working mother when I am back at work in October.
I will be sharing on this blog my progress with these goals as a way to keep myself accountable and also meet that blog three days a week quota 😉.
I am really excited for 2025 and hope you are too!
I hope we are all able to hold onto our resolutions and goals over the next 346 days!!!
Happy new year! Or as they say in South Africa, COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON 🥳🥳🥳
As mentioned in my previous post, I will be embarking on a low buy year in 2025 and just like everyone else embarking on this journey I’ve come up with some rules just to make sure there’s a plan at hand for when things get murky.
I’ve laid out my plan in terms of things in my life where I normally spend money.
Home:
There are a few household items that we are anticipating in 2025. Since we’ve decided to become a co-sleeping family (something that is so common in South Africa, calling it “co-sleeping” feels very disingenuous, it’s just sleeping!) we will need to invest in a new mattress as well as mattress slats to avoid moulding (this is the U.K). This will be a cost split between me and my partner.
Clothing:
As previously mentioned I have just had a baby. Two months in and I’ve found a style and look that works for my body and more importantly for breastfeeding. Going into 2025 there should be no need for me to buy any clothing. In the even that my body does change and I need clothes that fit better I will take what I currently own for altering.
Shoes:
I must admit that shoes are my Achilles heel, I love a good shoe. Or a bad shoe to be honest, I just love shoes. I do have to reign in it so I have decided to limit it two pairs of shoes that I need (want). Firstly a pair of Birkenstock sandals in a neutral colour because since I only own a single pair of crocs sandals and they are green. However being in the UK I rarely wear sandals, even in the summer I tend to always have my feet covered.
Secondly I would love a red pair of flat shoes. I have a pair in mind because I have the beige version of those shoes, however I am not sure what my new shoe size will be since my feet are not fully back to “normal” yet.
Baby clothes:
I will have to buy my son clothing as he gets bigger. We didn’t stock pile on clothing before he came so he doesn’t have clothing beyond this newborn phase (and 90% we bought after he was born). However we have found what we like to dress him in and what is easiest for elimination communication and so we will have to buy those every few months. With this of course we will have to buy him clothing as seasons change. Baby clothing is really an area that we cannot predict unfortunately but we will aim to go as secondhand as possible.
Baby feeding:
My son is exclusively breastfed and I have not found that I’ve never much other than myself and a few nursing bras. However at some point my son will start eating solid food (how exciting!) and he will need a feeding chair, bibs and other feeding utensils.
I will try very hard to find a second hand version of the feeding chair we would like. But these are necessities we cannot go without.
Baby toys:
I think we have everything my son will need until he is six months old in terms of toys. Probably for longer than that however I’ve settled on not buying him any new today’s until he is six months old.
Books:
I have recently treated myself to an early birthday present and bought a kobo libra.
I really love it so far. My main reason for purchasing it was because my old kindle was increasingly taking out the joy of using an e-reader for me. I went with the kobo libra because I think it’s pretty, I want to move away from my reliance on Amazon and I like the fact that you can repair the battery of the kobo libra, extending its useful life.
And so first of all I will not be buying any physical books unless I have read the electronic version and have loved it. In reading electronic books, I will make use of the library with the exception of classics, these I will buy outright in order to retain my annotations.
I will aim to read my shelves, meaning no new books will be coming into our home that I have not read and loved electronically. Even so I will limit books to one a month, therefore 12 new books for the year.
I do not have a kindle unlimited or any other such subscription and I will not be paying for one in 2025.
Amazon and other shopping apps:
I do not have Amazon prime (my partner does) and I will be deleting the Amazon shopping app along with other shopping apps. I will only be using Amazon to buy my dog’s treats every month.
Subscriptions:
I currently have three subscriptions; Disney plus, Canva and WordPress. I will maintain these throughout the year and not adding any more. This will be so hard when Netflix comes out with a new Love is Blind season because I do love a messy Netflix reality show, but I will stay strong in my resolve!
Other items:
For items that require refilling I will only buy items as they run out, I have always done this and see no reason to change this approach.
I will not be buying any new makeup – I have found make up and a make up routine that works for the handful of times I wear make up, I don’t need anything else.
I will not be buying any new stationary with the exception of a fountain pen to replace mine. However no new journals. No stickers (I like to use these in my work diary to add whimsy). And I will only buy tabs for annotating when they run out.
I am hoping that these rules will cover everything I consume. I will perform a review every two months to make any amendments if necessary.
I wish I had some clever way of ending this blog post but I have none, it is what it is. I am just going into this with hope and hoping that the conviction follows suit and I am able to stick to my rules.
I have been thinking a lot about what it means to have a hobby in a capitalist society. How do you fuel that hobby? Do you have limits for how much money and time you spend? Are we even allowed to spend money on a hobby? Not a side hustle, not a thing that brings money in, but something that requires that you spend money and time on it in a way that isn’t financially rewarding. How are we navigating that in the year 2021?
Recently I have been indulging my hobbies in a big way. I am spending my evenings reading and not putting in that extra hour at work after 7pm. I am posting all my books on instagram and engaging with other readers on the platform. And most recently, I have started a YouTube channel and I am giving my Saturdays to filming and editing. I have chosen a hobby in books and I am giving it all my time and some of my money and it feels strange.
I think for some of us the idea of the “hobby” is something new. Don’t get me wrong, I have always known about hobbies. I have listened to people talk about how they really love learning about nautical knots. I have watched videos of people gush about their latest outdoor adventure. And I have read about people who collect stamps, coins and even feathers. So I am aware of the concept of having a hobby.
Over the past few years I have allowed myself to dip my toe and indulge in my hobbies so long as it didn’t take any money and time from me. I started this blog but maintained that I didn’t want to spend money on it and that I would only write if I HAD the time (whatever that means). I have read books but on the condition that they cost me very little and that most of them should be books geared towards finance that would teach me something new that I can apply to my daily work. I even went as far as limiting myself to only reading non-fiction at some point, figuring that if I was going to spend my time on reading without compensation then I should be learning something new about topics that I rarely ever cared about.
The notion of doing something away from my work that didn’t bring me any additional income seemed irrational to me. It made me feel as though I was wasting the most precious commodity to me; which is time.
I didn’t consider joy. I didn’t consider fulfilment. And I certainly didn’t consider whether or not this was making me a better person in the long run. All I cared about for a long time was that my time was spent “productively”, whilst never stopping to question what productivity was for me.
Now I realise the great place of privilege I am in to even be able to think about the concepts of hobby versus capitalism. I think there are very few people in this world who can choose how they spent their “free” time (the concept of “free time” in itself is outrageous) and there is an immense level of unfairness in that alone. I do however think that it is a topic worth discussing and thinking about, and I wanted to offer my contribution to that discussion here.
Capitalism has brought about so many convoluted understandings of what it means to be productive. I, of course, have only been alive during this century but I would hope that there was a point in time when humans did not decide their value in the world based on how much we get done in a day. Unfortunately any study of history dashes any of these hopes as it it becomes clear to everyone that capitalism has always been the great decider.
When we decide to indulge in our hobbies the first thing that we have to consult is capitalism, capitalism has to give us permission. Capitalism has to dictate how much time, how much money and how much effort we put into that hobby. Capitalism has to tell us that it’s okay to produce something other than that which will yield an income, capitalism has to tell us that we can breathe and that we can take a break from always serving the system.
I think one of the greatest leaps that we as humans can take is deciding to take reigns of our productivity away from capitalism by not allowing it to tell us what we produce, how we produce and how much of we must produce. I am new to the world of hobby and I am still very much working fifty hours of the week and it would be completely disingenuous of me to pretend that I don’t enjoy 80% of my job. I don’t want to sit here and pretend that I don’t get an immense sense of purpose when I solve a complicated problem or when I reach a deadline that capitalism has set for me. What I do want to do, and urge that you try and do, is to stop often and ask yourself how much of how you move through this world is dictated by capitalism.
If your goal is to make sure that every moment of your waking time is spent maximising the amount of money you make – that should be your choice and you should go forth and rock the world with your focus and ability to stay on course.
If your goal is to indulge in some side work that brings you both joy and income – then by all means, go on with yourself self-aware self and conquer.
But if your goal is to carve out time where you serve the capitalist machine and some time where you feed the hobby machine without limits and expectations – then there is a place for you to exist in this spectrum of the world.
There’s enough room under the moon for us to all feel good about how we spent our hours and why we spend our hours. I am currently on a mission to find a happy little medium, I hope you find yours too.
Thank you for reading and please remember to be kinder than you think is necessary.
Nthabi And Her Books 