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Book Reviews, books, creativity, fiction, interesting reads

Book Review: My dark Vanessa

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“There must be a point where you’re allowed to be defined by something other than what he did to you” 

I tried reading this book in 2020 but I wasn’t ready for it so after reading the first few pages I decided to put it down and wait for my emotions to settle. 2020 was a lot like that, most things were started and not completed because half way through I realised I had to get myself settled; my emotions, my mind and my body needed soothing on most days. 

I picked this book up again on the 20th of January 2021 and I was completely drawn in by it this time around. I couldn’t put it down, I would look at it longingly during my work day, wishing that in the pages to follow Vanessa was okay, that she had found a way to heal and a way to be more than her abuse. 

My Dark Vanessa is a book about a fifteen year old girl who enters into a relationship with her 42 year old English teacher and who now in her thirties is coming to terms with the fact that what she deemed a great love story was rape and abuse. The story is gripping, painful and Kate Elizabeth Russell wrote a “all in, not holding back” book. She was not afraid to make us go there and to make the reader feel every necessary feeling with this book. 

The book moves between two timelines. The early 2000’s when Jacob Strane singled Vanessa out and started grooming her and the following relationship through the years. The second timeline is in 2017, at the height of the “MeToo” movement when allegations against Strane surface and Vanessa has to reconcile what happened to her and her desperate desire to not be seen as a victim but rather as someone who had agency and entered the relationship with wide open eyes. 

“ “How much strength does it take to hurt a little girl? How much strength does it take for the girl to get over it? Which one of them do you think is stronger?” The questions hangs there, the answers obvious – she’s the strong one. I’m strong, too, stronger than anyone has ever given me credit for.” 

The writing in this book is immaculate and tender, Kate Elizabeth Russel wrote this book with it’s very heavy topic with a sort of precise care that cannot be ignored. She did not tip-toe around the subject, the conversations  and the topics – she dug her hands in deep and did it in a way that invited the reader to feel and understand both versions of Vanessa. The Vanessa that was desperate for this to be a beautiful love story and a sexual awakening and the Vanessa that wanted to say out loud that it was abuse and still ask that she be seen as more than her abuse. 

I feel like in this book I experienced Vanessa’s fears of being branded by his abuse for her whole life and her desire to not be seen as a victim. I understood it all and I sympathised with it all. I wanted things for Vanessa that I did not know I could want for a character. I wanted her to be safe once I finished the book, I wanted her to be taken care of and I wanted her to heal. I so badly wanted her to heal. 

I gave this book 5 out of 5 stars because I think the writer did an excellent job of telling a story that had no option but to be a bad story. No one goes into this book thinking “this will be jolly, there will be a happy ending” but one leaves the book feeling like the author is currently out there taking care of Vanessa and making sure she’s alright, Vanessa was written with a lot of care and I enjoyed that about the book. I also liked that there wasn’t much suspense, the book started off with what had happened and so when reading the book I wasn’t scared that some other monster would pop up and make the story even worse, I felt like I was following along as Vanessa told the story while she interrupted herself with her own questions of “what”, “why” and “how”. This was a great book. I do however think it’s the sort of book one has to be ready for, I think reading it when you aren’t ready for it could make you spiral. It’s a book that says the obvious, “abuse is permanent, the abused carries it with them for a lifetime” and I think Kate Elizabeth Russell did an excellent job telling this story the way she did. 

lifestyle

A note for not all men.

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I reached breaking point sometime last year in a shopping mall.

I decided that if I wasn’t interacting with men I didn’t know outside my home I would not greet them. I greeted strange men out of fear. All my life that’s what I did, I greeted men I didn’t know out of fear because I wasn’t sure that if I didn’t greet them they’d let me get home safely.

This fear wasn’t unwarranted. I’d heard men speak about how women who didn’t smile and who thought they were better than then deserved to be humbled by being harmed. I’d also experienced this.

I’d been followed. I’d been sworn at. I’d had bottles thrown at me by men who didn’t know me but felt they deserved me and my attention. So I greeted, I smiled, I held my breath and when I got home I’d breathe out and celebrate another day I made it home safely.

But last year this niceness stopped. I was walking through a mall for a while. I stopped somewhere to check something on my phone and someone tapped me on my shoulder, it was a security guard who then informed me that he had been following me around through the mall and that he liked my body. I stood there quietly. I realised that if anything happened to me my first instinct would have been to contact security for safety. But here was a man I didn’t know, following me and proudly declaring this. I balled my hands up in a fist and walked to my car and abandoned the trip altogether. I was defeated and scared.

I got home, a stubborn resolve settled in my chest and I decided never again! I will not be approaching or be approached by men and give them the benefit of a doubt. I am not smiling. I am not greeting. I am not begging you to leave me alone anymore. I am not begging you not to harm me that day only to wake up and leave my house and beg another man to not harm me the next day. I am tired. I have known fear because of my body all my life.

What men pretend to not realise is that this fear taints every part of our lives. I say pretend because you all know.

I put off going to certify documents at the police station because last time I was there, certifying documents, my grandmothers death certificate to be exact, a man decided that it would be appropriate to tell me about my body and how good it looked to him.

When I buy clothing I stay away from anything that’s too tight or short because I have had so many men stop me and give me speeches about what my clothing does to them, because they know if they harmed me my clothes will be blamed.

I don’t like long braids because it’s easy for someone to pull my hair. Short hair is harder to grab.

This week I told someone that I have to go running before the sun sets before a meeting and he didn’t say anything because we both knew why I had to do that. I am a South African woman, if anything happened to me they’d ask why I thought it was appropriate to run at night… in leggings… alone.

So here’s my deal I am sticking to my plan. I am not showing you any decency. You’ve shown me countless times you do not deserve it. Through how you treat me and other women. I am sure even now someone will read this and think “If anything happens to her she’ll deserve it for being rude” .

I am sharing this for the men who are on here not because I want your pity or applause. I need you to speak to your homies. Speak to your brothers. Speak to your fathers. Speak to your friends. Speak to your cousins. We are tired. We are scared. And none of us, none of us, deserve this.

Book Reviews, books, fiction, interesting reads, lifestyle

Ann K Book Review

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I stumbled onto Anna K by pure coincidence. I typed Anna Karenina into the search bar on my kindle and Anna K came up. I soon learnt that Anna K was the modern day adaptation of Anna Karenina so I decided it might be a good idea to read the books side by side. While I am far from finishing Leo Tolstoy’s original telling of the story I have just finished Jenny Lee’s version.

Anna K is a love story between two super rich teens living in New York. The book really does feel like if Gossip Girl was a book. There’s mentioning of high-end designers (I had to google a few while reading), elaborate parties and a healthy dose of absent parents. The only thing missing was the catty and sassy narration of the story as it unfolded.

The book took me longer to finish because hit was hard for me to sometimes stomach the teenage angst but it was a story worth sticking around for. Jenny Lee gave us a brief look into the teenage lives of the superrich and my first point on the book is that if you hated Gossip Girl because you found it unrealistic then you should certainly avoid this book.

I enjoyed how the protagonist, Anna K, was this perfectly poised teenager and that she also spoke almost no teenage slang. I think this was a necessary part of the storyline in order for the reader to place her on her a pedestal. Anna’s brother was also aptly painted as being a superrich party boy who lived for the here and now and so, it is unexpected when he turns on the reader and proves to be a great big brother who encourages Anna to be a teenager and do teenage stuff.

I did find it a bit off putting that the author’s narrating of black characters had to be so desperate to point out how diverse the book and the characters were. For example I don’t think it was necessary to say “black arm emoji” when a Black character was texting. I can confirm that as an African person when I send an emoji I don’t think “Black yoga girl emoji” so that was a bit of strange thing to do.

I don’t remember laughing out loud while reading it or highlighting much of the book while reading but I remember dreaming and trying to picture the characters in my head so that was a wonderful little trip. If you enjoy occasionally re-watching Gossip Girl and you are looking for a new love story with a poised half-Korean and half-White protagonist this is the book for you. And if you enjoy retellings of old classics this is definitely the book for you. While there are some distractions that might keep you from getting into the story I think Jenny Lee did a good job of telling the love story and you should definitely give it a read.

Thanks for reading this review, please let me know whether you have read the book and whether you agree of disagree.

Until next time, remember to be kinder than you think is necessary.

Book Reviews, books, fiction, interesting reads, lifestyle, Uncategorized, Writing

Little Fires Everywhere Book Review

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Last weekend, Easter weekend, was a great reading weekend. I finished off two books and started two new books. This is a big deal for me because it means that I managed to convince myself that the world would not collapse with me fully immersed in reading and away from my laptop. Two of the books I read last week were about fire, one book was about two children who spontaneously combust (Nothing to See Here book review coming soon) and the other was a little well-known book called Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng.

Little Fires Everywhere has been on my radar for a long time. Most probably since it came onto the scene and it was mentioned by some pretty famous book clubs. It is always a bit hard to read a book that is overly hyped, for no reason other than feeling really bad when you don’t like it. Like maybe there’s something intrinsically wrong with my literary palate.

Over the years however I have discovered that I struggle to read overhyped books because I build a pretty strong wall of expectations and if the author is unable to climb that wall and reach my unrealistic anticipations I tend to not enjoy the book and I rarely ever finish the book. With Little Fires Everywhere however I decided to get over myself and just read the darn book!

With all that being said I walked into Celeste Ng’s book with very little knowledge of the storyline. I didn’t know any of the characters, I’d never actually read or watched a single book review, I just knew that it was a good book that had been on Reece’s book club in 2017. This is a great way to get into a book because I went in with no truths or beliefs that I needed to be confirmed.

The book starts off at the tail end of the story in that it starts with a fire and the rest of the book takes us through the events leading up to that fire. We are introduced to an upper middle-class family the Richardson’s and their two mysterious tenants mother and daughter, Mia and Pearl. Mia and Pearl move into a home owned by Mrs Richardson whose family has been part of the Shaker Heights community for three generations. The community is a perfectly planned community where everything is orchestrated according the Shaker Heights by-laws. The grass is cut at a certain height, the houses are all painted the same colours and the people in Shaker tend to all follow a strict set of rules. Shaker seems like a place that Mia and Pearl who have been nomads for all of Pearl’s life would not fit in, but of course they manage to fit in with Pearl befriending the Richardson children and Mia taking on one of the children, Izzy, as somewhat of a protégé.

As I have stated I went into the book with no background about what the book is about. The one thing I enjoy about reading strictly on kindle is that I am unable to read the back cover of books so I really do go into books partially clueless. The book did not manage to grip me as much as I thought it would. Getting through the story was actually quite challenging for me. I think it could be that when the scene is set as “perfect little community versus rogue mother and daughter duo who don’t follow the rules” my mind already starts to construct it’s own story and 80% of the time I am spot on about what will happen and this is exactly what happened with this book give or take a few twits. I expected them to face the challenges they faced, I expected them to fall for the people they fell for and I expected them to act in a way they acted.

For me finishing the book became more about confirming my expectations as opposed to savouring and enjoying the actual story. The book is however written quite well. I cannot fault Ceelste’s writing at all. The story itself is told wonderfully and under any circumstances I would have been more than happy to give it five stars on good reads. I think I was at the point in my fiction reading wherein I wanted a bit more thrill or maybe characters who do the unexpected, which is what I have been reading a lot of lately.

I do think though that the book is worth the read. It is generally a good enough entertaining read and it definitely felt like I was watching a series while reading it and I can totally see what the fuss was about it in 2017. The book might not thrill you, but Celeste Ng is a gifted writer who does some wonderful things in telling a story that feels like it is as old as time itself.

Thanks for reading this review, please let me know whether you have read the book and whether you agree or disagree.

Until next time, remember to be kinder than you think is necessary.

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The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo Book Review

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South Africa, like many countries, is currently under a national lockdown. Only essential services are allowed out while the rest of us are home, staying safe and being eternally grateful to those who are keeping our society going during these uncertain times.

I am still working from home, so I don’t have as much free time as YouTube assumes I do – my entire feed is littered with things to do in doors during this global pandemic. I haven’t managed to do any of these things because like I said I am still working my normal hours. One thing I have been doing however is getting in a lot of reading and making promises to myself about writing nook reviews. In 2020 so far I have read 13 books and written 1 book review so it is safe to assume that I am not doing so well. I am currently on book 14, 15 and 16.

Book 16 happens to be Anna Karenina which two pages into reading I decided I needed a break so here I am. Avoiding reading my book. Without making this introduction any longer than it already is, let us go on ahead and review The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

I picked out this book after watching too many reviews about it on YouTube and decided that I needed to see what the big fuss was all about. The book was a hard one for me to envision myself reading because the tag line is that “it’s a great book to read if you are interested in that sort of old Hollywood life” and I am not really interested in that old Hollywood life. I don’t watch old movies, I don’t read old books and I don’t really spend time fantasizing about any aspect of old Hollywood. I mean yeah, sure the outfits back in the 1960’s were beautiful but that’s as far as I can go as far as thinking that far back goes. This book however opened me up to a whole new world and I relished every single word and every single husband.

The book is based on the life of Evelyn Hugo, a Hollywood actress who became popular in the 1960’s and who also happened to be incredibly beautiful and also as the book reveals very driven and calculating. As the title of the book suggests Evelyn has had seven husbands in her lifetime and the book is set against the backdrop of her retelling her life story against her husbands. The story is told to an up and coming journalist Monique Grant, who upon starting the interview asks Evelyn who her one true love was.

With this one question we are taken through Evelyn’s life from aspiring actress, to sort of famous actress to Oscar winning actress in the most wonderfully detailed way possible. The book is packed with a lot of little tit bits and lessons and Taylor Jenkins Reid takes us through what power is when you’re a woman and how even when one has everything there are still limitations to what that power can do for you.

I really enjoyed this wonderful trip down Evelyn’s memory lane. I found myself on the edge of my seat with excitement, frowning and annoyed at Evelyn’s sometimes selfishness and celebrating when she finally won her Oscar. Every husband came with a different kind of truth that I think was expressed throughout the book, a necessary truth. I really enjoyed how unapologetic the writer was in making Evelyn what some would think was a calculating and self-centered bitch. I think sometimes when stories are told of women such as Evelyn, women who chose their own lives and who were deliberate about doing that there is always an aura of regret that sort of coats the backdrop of the story and I didn’t feel this at all with Evelyn Hugo. I found her to be honest, as though to say “I lived an imperfect life on my terms and the fact that it was on my terms made it fuller and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

I struggled to find parts of this book that I thought were unnecessary distractions. I think the book was long enough that the detail mattered and was used well by the author in setting and telling the story.

I think this is a book worth picking up and reading – the book won’t change your life but it will keep you entertained and at the end of it you will spend sometime trying to decide whether Evelyn was the good guy or the bad guy in the story of her life and in the story of Monique’s life.

Thanks for reading another book review, here’s to hoping I do more of these.