I am turning 30 in exactly one month and four days. This is a big deal for me because I am one of those people who have always wanted to be older, so turning 30 is something I have been looking forward to for quite some time.

With that being said, I am however extra nervous about turning 30 because as much I have wanted to turn 30 all my life, this will be the first birthday I have without my grandmother. My grandmother used to make a big deal about my birthday, everyone’s birthday really, but mine was always extra special. I remember her calling into Motsweding FM and wishing me a happy birthday annually, the pink and elaborate cakes with my name on them and the very pitchy birthday song singing every year throughout my childhood. As I got older and she and I no longer lived together she was always the first to call me and sing for me and generally brighten my day before I knew that it needed brightening up. I am trying to manage the fact that next year, on the 26th of January, there will be no phone call from her. I will wake up knowing that I will not hear her voice; not first thing in the morning and not any time during the day either. So, I expect some friction and maybe sadness towards turning 30 because I won’t have her singing and making a big deal about this little girl who loved her grandmother fiercely.

I am pre-empting my sadness. My therapist would say that I should rather focus on the now, how am I feeling right at this present moment. This is my way of offering a compromise; I have come up with 30 lessons (super hard by the way) I have learnt in the past thirty years of being alive. I think this is the perfect medley of the past, present and future. These are reminders, mental notes and things to look to in the future when faced with self-doubt, the noises and opinions of the world and maybe when I get the ludicrous idea to do this again at 31 and I need a reason not to do it.

A quick edit. After writing these I realised that 30 lessons in one post is a lot to take in, so I have decided to break up the lessons in batches of 10. So, this is the first post of 3 posts. Enjoy.

So here goes, 30 lessons: Lesson 1 – 10.

1. Always greet people when you walk into a room. This always bears repeating. Greet people when you walk into a room, it takes nothing from you, but it acknowledges the presence of the people in the room. There is no depth, there is no bigger lesson, it’s really just that simple – greet people when you walk into a room.
2. Drink water. This has become quite common advice, I know. People have claimed that it’s what gives you clear skin and it helps you mind your own business. I don’t know if any of this is true but what I know is that water is the ultimate thirst quencher, that (free) clean water is a luxury and that your body needs water to operate at it’s near optimal level.
3. Move your body – this is more of a reminder for myself because I keep forgetting how great it is and how great I feel after moving my body. Dance, run, stretch, do yoga, walk, do whatever makes you feel good but move your body as often as you can.
4. “No” and “I don’t want to” are complete answers.
5. Try not to spend too time much agonising about food. This can be food you’ve eaten, food you’d like to eat or food that everyone has decided is bad. I think we all have our issues with food and those reasons differ. I have been part of many conversations wherein either myself or the other person was stressing over food and I have often found myself thinking “surely this can’t be good for my mental health” – so try not sweat what you eat so much. If you can reach a balance that is good for your mental and physical health, that’s good enough in my opinion.
6. Wear sunscreen.
7. You don’t have to respond to every text, every email or every request immediately. Take time to think if and when you need it. Work on not feeling guilty about this, if you need to send a text back letting the other person know that you still need to think through whatever is being required of you, then do that. But give yourself room to think and work through what you need to work through.
8. Get a re-usable water bottle. Helps with lesson number 2, helps the oceans and helps save time by not having to wash glasses. It’s a win-win honestly.
9. If you are a black woman: the world sees your hair as political. The world has decided what you deserve, how smart you are and whether beauty is a word that can be assigned to you based on how you wear your hair. That however does not mean you have to give a damn about it. Wear your hair how you want it, do it at different phases in your life or don’t. Try not to let what people say about your hair affect your relationship with it.
10. Have fun and define what fun is for yourself. I still don’t know how to do this consistently, but when I think back to that one time when I was completely free and only concerned myself with having fun it was pretty great. The memory that comes to mind was letting my husband cover me in sand on a beach in Ramsgate. That was a good day because I was with someone I really like, I wore a skimpy bikini with NO SHORTS for the first time ever (the ocean kept pulling down my shorts so I gave up on keeping them on) and I giggled the whole day. We tend to forget to have fun in our day to day lives. We get caught up in being busy and being productive. But life is long enough without taking time out to laugh from the pits of your soul, do that as often as you can, have fun and invest in learning what fun is for you.

I hope you’ve found value in my lessons and will be keeping them in mind during this festive season, especially rule number #2. I know I’m not supposed to have favourites but it’s a classic for a reason.